Staying Home

Conflict and tension between parents and their teenage children is entirely normal - but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to live with.

It might be that you and your child need to agree on a few changes to make your homelife run more smoothly ...

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What issues are causing problems for each of you? It’s important to see the situation from each others point of view. It’s a good idea for you each to write your own list of the main problems, then take it in turns to read out a point from each list. Accept each others’ perspective, even if you disagree, listen to each other. If it starts to get heated move onto the next item and come back to it later. Don’t be afraid to admit when you’ve been in the wrong - if you’ve overreacted or said something you wish you hadn’t - it encourages your teenager to look at their own behaviour too.

Negotiate

Both of you need to be flexible if you are going to meet each other halfway - for example, if you are disagreeing about curfews, perhaps you could agree to a time halfway between what is acceptable to each of you for a trial period.

You can make sure negotiation works for you too - for example, if your teenager wants more privacy but you have to go in their room to collect the laundry; agree to stay out but that they will take responsibility for doing their washing (or at least putting it in the laundry basket!)

Boundaries

While it is important to compromise, teenagers still need boundaries. Agree and stick to a set of rules and set out the consequences of breaking them.

Problems at home ...?

When there is serious conflict between a young person and their parents, living together can seem impossible. Moving out can seem like the obvious solution for both of you. However, the reality is often different - independent living brings its own challenges, and leaving home without preparation leaves young people at risk of homelessness.

A survey conducted by Channel 4 and YouGov in 2008 found that 50% of families argue every day; 44% of teenagers said they want to leave home - with girls showing a greater urge for independence than boys. More positively, 98% of young people say they love their parents.

If you are struggling to live in harmony with your child you’ll need support while you work out how to resolve your problems. Talk to your friends and family members - they might offer advice or a shoulder to cry on, both equally valuable!

You can get help and support from Parentline Plus over the phone, and can share experiences and ideas with other parents over the internet - mumsnet.com has a busy forum for example.