Parents page....How to better get on with your teen...

There is a wealth of information out there giving tips and hints on how to raise young children, but those with teenagers need help too!

Watching your son or daughter grow and develop from a baby into a mature young adult can be a rewarding and satisfying experience. And as they reach their teens you see them making decisions for themselves and starting to want more independence. Although parenting a teenager can be very fulfilling it can also be challenging and there is no easy way or any magical wand to wave to do this. This can cause strains on relationships and it may seem that you are working harder and harder to keep those ties to your teen.

These parent pages are designed to give you some hints and tips to better get on with your teen from communication to info around legal age limits.....

Communication

Simple task? Not at all!

You maybe in a constant battle: you, knowing whats best for them; and them becoming their own person. This can mean that arguments are frequent, firey and also tiresome.

A few of these suggestions may help:

• Always give a reason for your decision. This might sound simple and reasons may seem obvious to you as a parent, but to a young person they can seem to be just an excuse to ruin their fun..So an explanation gives them an understanding as to how you see the situation, instead of just a blunt NO!

For example they want to go to a party with friends that are older than them... Your reasons for saying no may be because you have not met their friends, no parental supervision or responsible adult around, or its's not a suitable location i.e. you have no-way of contacting them where the party is held.

• Give them an opportunity to show how responsible they are (or not). Teenagers can be very demanding mentally, emotionally and yes...financially. If your teenager is asking for their allowance to go up, or that they are given an allowance, make them earn it! They may appreciate the value of a pound more.

Give them tasks they must complete within a certain time frame i.e. homework, chores, etc. before they are given an allowance. Even better, if they are of that age...help them or encourage them to find a weekend job in a shop or a paper round. If you give them money for doing nothing, that is what they will expect from then on. Dont make a rod for your own back!

• Compromise. Teenagers are at an age where they always think they know best, which you and I know is not always the case. Compromises mean you both can win.

For example, your teenager thinks they should be allowed out till midnight and you think 10pm is late enough.. Maybe compromise at 11pm. This way you are showing that you trust them enough to extend their curfew, but are still setting clear boundaries.

• Listen. Give your teen the respect that you want from them and listen to what they are saying. Feeling like you are not listened to or taken seriously can be hurtful and very frustrating.

• Setting boundaries and rule agreements. Telling teenagers what to do rather than negotiating with them does not work!! If you have a discussion around the rules and come to an argeement they are more likely to stick to them themselves.

The key to boudaries and  is stick to them yourself...

Being consistent may sound easy, but we all know that just to say yes on this one occasion, so you get some peace and quiet for an hour may seem a good idea at the time, but oh yes it will come back to haunt you. Also if you have more than one teenager, saying yes to one and no to another could mean outright war! Sometimes it is appropriate because of age differences etc.. but as stated above, always give reasons for your decisions.

Behaviour

Teenagers are experiencing many changes, physically, emotionally and personally, and on top of that trying to figure out who they are or who they want to be. You, as a parent can aid these changes and help your teen as they aproach this difficult time.

As a result some young people can become argumentative, moody or engage in behaviour you think is unnacceptable such as: drinking, smoking, taking drugs, breaking curfew or criminal behaviour like vandalism. For most young people this is temporary and part of the process of them trying to find themselves, but it can lead to more serious problems...

As a parent this can be very fustrating if you feel you have done everything to avoid your teen doing these things... So try these on for size.

• Give praise to good behaviour and stick to the agreements...Its often easy to pick up on unwanted behaviour and respond to it, but giving praise and rewarding good behaviuor often will yield more positive behaviour in the future.
• Sit down with your teen and discuss the types of behaviour that are unnacceptable and why...be very clear and consistent with them.

Often young people, especially teens, feel like they are invincible and have that 'it wont happen to me' attitude....if your teen is engaging in behaviours as described above:

• Talk about the consequences of their behaviour i.e. criminal record (the effect on their future), or dangers to health - not to scare them, but to help them to make an infomred choice about what they do.
• Try and avoid turning it into a lecture!
• Ask them of their opinion on the matter. Talk it through rather than talking at them. Ask them if they can see why you may be concerned.
• Always let them know that you are there for them if they want to talk and for support.
• Most importantly do not give up on them!!

Normally when a teen is taking part in behaviours like these it is often a way of lashing out because of underlying reasons. Things may be happening that you do not know about.  So try to find out, by having an interest in what they are doing. Ask how school/college is, how their relationships (friendships, boyfriend, girlfriends) are etc..

Family mediation

What is family mediation?

Mediation works with families that are in disagreement or conflict. The mediator will talk through the issues with consent of the family members concerned to come to a resolution to suit all. Sometimes all families need is someone independent and impartial to help them through the difficulties they are facing. Mediation services are confidential and most are free and will consist of meetings over a period of time or what ever suits your family to come to a resolution. To find out more about mediation services follow this link Youth Reach - Derbyshire

Click on the links below for information about preparing your teen for leaving home and information on legal age limits